You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
