I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
