you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
