If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
