dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize