you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
