She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
smell my finger.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
