His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
