Are we in a gay sports bar?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize