You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
