Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
