My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
