ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
