Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
