Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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