Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
