Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
