so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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