the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
