Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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