i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
