so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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