All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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