It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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