It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
