make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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