New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
