mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
