taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
