Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
