i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
