Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
