All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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