What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
