I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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