id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
