theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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