i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
