38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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