we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
