Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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