Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
