Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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