I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
