So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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