I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize