True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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