we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
