I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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