Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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