I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
