does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize