Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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