yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
