help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
