And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
tell me about the eggs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
