I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
