apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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