everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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