garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
