So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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