he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
