I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
