the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
