hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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