Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
