I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
