she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
