He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
