it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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