Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
