we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
