i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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