Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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