i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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