what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
